Children's Music

What the balls is up with children's music? The same songs have been around forever and the same songs are still obnoxious. Why hasn't anyone come up with a solution that offers kids enjoyment without making parent's ears bleed?

Henry loves this music. Shocker.

Wheels on the Bus? Bring it on!

Itsy Bitsy Spider? Louder the Better!

He can't get enough. Music is the one thing that actually does seem to relax him, and I'm sure his vice could be much worse, so I'm usually happy (or as happy as I can be) to fire up Pandora and play the "Toddler" station for him.

Well good story. The other day, I had a rare morning off of mommy duty. I took the Metro into the city for a doctor appointment. I was so excited for the train ride because I knew it meant that I could put in my headphones, listen to MY music, and zone out for the 45 minute ride. Well, I got on the train and that aforementioned Pandora station was the last station loaded on my phone, so when I opened the Pandora app, the itsy bitsy spider sung by the wigglesnugglefluffypalfriendswhateverthefuck filled my baby-less ears with pure high pitched delight.

The sad part? I didn't freaking notice until the song was almost over! I sat in the train, got to the first stop, and zoned out listening to "out came the sunshine and dried up all the rain!"

I swear I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand when I realized what had happened.

Effin children's music. Thank goodness Henry and I are taking a music class starting in two weeks.

Barf.

Stumped.

Alright, here's a real doozy for you guys. What do you do when your wiggly 1 year old gets a little cut that won't stop bleeding?

Henry cut himself somehow (I'm thinking paper cut) this morning. I noticed a few drops of blood on the floor and started playing the game "what orifice is bleeding now?" I looked in his mouth, nose, and then noticed he had some blood on his hands. His finger was bleeding.

It didn't look bad, so I just used a little wet washcloth and wiped it off. I thought that was that, but as usual, it wasn't. This little tiny cut on Henry's finger didn't stop bleeding, and Henry didn't stop moving. He was walking around as usual touching everything...which in turn got little drops of blood all over the place. Ugh.

I put a little Elmo band-aid on the cut, hoping to catch the blood and avoid getting in all over the walls. Henry thought this was hilarious. He laughed at his little band-aid and sucked on it until he got it off...and then proceeded to wipe blood all over my pants and a stuffed animal he had just received.

Then, I tried a glove. I don't know if this makes me weird or not, but I figured if I put a winter glove on his hand, it would at least contain the blood until it stopped bleeding. Well obviously that was just wishful thinking, because he pulled it right off.

Sooo I spend the next 45 minutes chasing him around with a wet washcloth wiping his finger every 10 seconds. Awesome.

So that got me to thinking...what do mommies do when there's blood and it doesn't affect your kid enough to get them to sit still? Do you let your kid bleed all over everything? Or somehow contain them until it stops bleeding? I need a better game plan for next time!

Long Week

Henry has been wicked sick this past week hence me being MIA. He has been coughing, sniffling, and forcing me to change my shirt every 15 minutes when it gets soaked with snot and tears. Poor kid.

We took him to the doctor who informed us he is actually cutting his 18 month molars, too.

Woof.

So he finally seems to be feeling a little bit better tonight, so once he went down to sleep (and we were sure he wasn't going wake up screaming 5 minutes later), I poured myself a nice big glass of red wine.

Thank God the toy designers at B. Toys made their play cube multi-functional.

Mama earned this drink.

Eating.

Let's get one thing straight. I'm not going to win the "Mom of the Year" award this year. Or next. Or probably ever. So I'm just going to put this out there, and hope that I don't regret typing it.

I think watching my kid eat is f@*#ing disgusting.

I remember how excited I was when at Henry's 4 month appointment the doctor told us that we could go ahead and try rice cereal and purees. I'm not sure what I expected feeding to be like, but I'm pretty sure I didn't think it would totally freak me out.

Food on spoon > baby opens mouth > food into mouth > swallow > repeat

Not
So
Much


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Toys.

Let's talk toys, shall we?

Toys suck, the end. Thanks for stopping by.




Ok, ok, I'll elaborate.

I think toys are a sadistic gimmic that companies use to play into a moms fragile emotional state.

You go to Buy Buy Baby, you browse Amazon, or you have a playdate, and you are constantly bombarded with new and awesome toys that your kid has to have in order to reach his milestones, learn his ABCs by 10 months, and become a professional athlete. Barf.

I hate toys, but I feel like a bad mommy that my kid doesn't have an entire basement full of plastic garbage that he can climb all over and act like a maniac. And I KNOW that I don't even have it bad, yet. Henry can't even ask for the toys he wants.

With Henry's first birthday a week away and Christmas shortly after that, I've been feeling especially weak and fragile when I see toys that promise to entertain my kid for 7 hours a day...especially since I start daydreaming about being able to paint my nails and take a freaking shower while a toy entertains my kid.

Here's why I'm staying strong and not giving in to holiday toy maddness:

1. Henry has never had a toy or played with a toy at a friends house that he has payed attention to for more than 11.4 seconds. Why am I going to spend $104.89 on a light up 3-toed sloth that blows balls out of its ears. I'm not. And that's creepy.
2. Henry's current favorite toys are his dresser drawers, the dishwasher, paper, and my iPhone. Let's see... That's 1 point for ikea, 1 point for GE, 1 point for paper, 1 point for Apple, and 0 points for any toy company.
3. I'm cheap. I have yet to spend more than $15 on any toy Henry has and I think $50 dollars in his college fund will make him smarter than a $50 dollar musical bear that can say my kids name and favorite food. (yeah, I'm talking about you scout)
4. I'm cheap and smart. Tom and I started shopping for Henry's birthday and Christmas at garage sales this past summer. We spent about $30 total for both events and got him loads of books and high quality wooden toys that won't light up rainbow vomit and make my ears bleed. Oh, and we won't have to fill 5 garbage bags with packaging, and Tom won't have to spend the next 6 weeks putting things together. Bonus.
5. I'm highly susceptible to catchy tunes so if we bought many singing toys, I would end up humming the tunes all day and night and then I'd have no friends.

Basically, I'm not against my kid having toys, but I do think it's easy to go overboard (I've seen it first hand), and I think toy companies know that moms want the best for their kids and therefore target us with the promise of a happier, smarter kid if only we buy their toys.

I think this holiday season the score will be Toys-0, Stephanie-1.

Hehehe.

Seriously?

Henry is afraid of the clothing dryer.

Like seriously dude?

Of all the things this kid could be afraid of...he decides to be scared of the dryer. The kid doesn't flinch at loud noises. He has no fear of new people. In fact, he happily lunges into the arms of anyone who holds their arms out for him. Of couse, as a mother, this baffles me after hearing horror stories of seperation anxiety, but not Mr. Henry. His kryponite is the dryer.

Our dryer is in our hallway. It's behind a door that stays closed 95% of the time, BUT if you open that door, he will crawl away screaming. If the door is open and he on one side of the door frame and we are on the other, he will sit at the other edge and wail. See...

If you can't tell...That's Henry....crying...staring at the dryer....It's bizarre.

If he was an adopted child, I would be convinced that he had once been put into a dryer. Not the case, though. Sigh..

What is so scary about a dryer? Am I just not seeing it? What are your kids afraid of??

Snot Bubbles

I knew this day was bound to come. I'd been bracing myself for it ever since Henry was born. I'd heard stories from other moms about how miserable their babies are when sick, so imagine my horror when I woke up the other morning to snot bubbles.


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Crawling. Like actually moving himself to places.

Ok, I hope this doesn't make me a bad parents, but crawling is one of those baby milestones I am not looking forward to. Eating solids was gross at first, but got better as Henry go the hang of it. Sitting up on his own is great because he can play with his toys more easily. But crawling? There's not really anything good about crawling, and it definitely won't get better as he gets the hang of it.

Crawling is scary for many reasons. First, learning to crawl is terrifying to watch. Henry will get up on all fours, scoot his legs forward, and because he can't figure out how to move his arms, he will nose dive into the floor. I can't even tell you the amount of times I was positive he'd broken his nose.

Second, mobility for an infant = no mobility for mom. I use to be able to plop Henry on the couch and run to go pee. When he started to roll, that became a no no. So, when my bladder was full, I could lay him on the floor and leave him for 90 seconds. Now that he is able to wiggle himself forwards and push himself pretty confidently backwards, I don't dare leave him alone on the floor. I learned my lesson after I walked away for a minute only to come back and find him under the sofa. Once he starts REALLY crawling, I'd probably find him in the oven or out on the balcony.

So. I guess it's great that Henry is learning new things, but one that kid gets the hang of this crawling thing, I'm worried for my sanity.

7 Months

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Ok, Seriously, I think Henry is singing this song in his head 24/7. I thought babies needed to be held, cuddled, fed, and basically have everything done for them.

Psh. Not my son.

If it were up to him, I think Henry would move out and get his own place. He wants to to everything for himself. He recently has started refusing to eat if he is in anyone's arms. In order to eat, he wants to be put down with his head as far away from me as possible and drink his bottle in peace. Most of the time he tries to hold his bottle himself, too.

When eating is rice cereal, he wants to hold the spoon. If I don't let him, he pouts. WTF?

When I know baby is tired, I try to give him cuddles and rock him in my arms. Nope. He arches his back so fiercely and tries to wiggle out of my arms. He does this until I put him down and he puts himself to sleep.

I guess I shouldn't complain about having an independent kid, but if only he could change his diapers himself, we'd be all set. 

MomDonalds

Mom: Welcome to MomDonalds can I take your order please?
Baby: Boobs!
Mom: Would you like the supersized?
Baby: Extra supersized!!

The fact that babies have to eat almost every 3 hours is probably the worst thing about being a mom. I'm not sure about every other mom out there, but I think breastfeeing and pumping are the pits.

Now, I have to say, I wanted to breastfeed because I knew the benefits it would have on the baby. Something about the promise of a super high IQ and less likelihood of becoming a serial killer, etc, etc. So obviously, breastfeeding was the right choice for us, but boy, no one told me what it would be like. No one said, "Oh, by the way Stephanie, breastfeeding for the first week is going to feel like someone attached jumper cables to your nipples and is repeatedly trying to shock you!" No. Nothing. A heads up would have been nice. Instead, we suffered through the first week and it got better.

Well. Kinda. It got better until I started feeling like a cow. Feeding every 2.5 hours and then pumping afterward because everyone warned me I had to build up a "supply." (Funny how they warned me to build a supply but not about jumper cable nipples) A "supply," I've come to find out, is bullshit. Unless you plan on going back to work 2 weeks after your baby is born, or you plan on going on vacation and leaving your baby at home right after giving birth (I wish), then screw the supply. Turns out, breast milk only last 3 months in the freezer and chances are the compilation of breast milk you pump at 3 weeks is different than what your baby needs at 2 months. Woof. So I stopped pumping as often and things were easier.

No they weren't. Then because of all of the pumping and feeding I'd been doing and stopping pumping, my supply dropped. Not just dropped like a little bit. We're talking dropped like I was no longer making a enough to feed the bean.

Needless to say, after making it a little over 4 months, I think I'm ready to stop this rodeo that is breastfeeding. Moms, don't be intimidated by those other moms that tell you they love breastfeeding because of the bonding and cuddling time with their baby. Those moms are crazy. Breastfeeding sucks.

milestone?

Well it finally happened. Everyone said this day would come but somehow I didn't believe it. I never ACTUALLY thought it would happen to me, but alas...

Henry sh*t in his own hair







The end.

I wish..

There was an off button for baby hands.

To prevent this...

Yes, our son is wearing a skeleton onesie.

Multiple kids

Where, when, how, and why do people have multiple children? I went to mommy workout class this morning ( exercising at the mall while the baby is in the stroller ) and these two women were talking about how crazy life is with their two and three children. Why do people do it?

My theory? They say, "Screw it we can't just have one, so let's have another and get it over with." Am I right?

I HATED being pregnant and could never imagine going through THAT again. I had it easy, too. I didn't work for most of my pregnancy. I didn't have any morning sickness and I gained only 17 pounds. BUT not being
able to drink beer, eat sushi, and run after I was about 20 weeks was the equivalent of death for me. Not to mention the hormones. Don't even get me started on the hormones. Tom had to put up with a real circus some days.

Then, the first 6 weeks infancy? Why ever do that again!? Up all night, up all day, feeling like a cow, and BREAST PUMPS?! Ugh. Why?

4 months out I'm still baffled as to why people choose to have another or even 3 or more? Was one not expensive enough? Did he not take enough of your time and energy? Oh I get it...maybe you didn't get peed on enough?

Don't get me wrong. The babe is the best and most cutesy thing ever..see...






Told ya. But why have more?

Henrys sibling will be a turtle.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Mommy Group

Yesterday and Today I went to Mommy Group. Mommy group on Mondays is sitting around chatting, and on Tuesdays we go walking at the mall.

Let me tell you. I never pinned myself as a mommy group person. I kinda thought baby and I would hang out all day together. We would watch Oprah, I'd strap him to my chest and do housework, we'd go to the grocery store and plan delicious meals.

Wrong.

Baby wants to cry though Oprah, fall asleep as soon as I strap him to me (which, if he's been sleeping half the day, will only cause him to stay up later), and even if we do make it to the grocery store, I can't put baby down for more than 10 minutes to make dinner. 

At 10 weeks old, baby and I were in TJMaxx when I ran into a woman who changed mine and baby's worlds. She invited us to mommy group.

Mommy group is great because we can chat about all of the things that our partners and non-kiddo friends don't want to hear about. We can chat about breast pumps, nipple shields, and epidurals.

I never thought I would be thrilled by a discussion about swaddling, but basically anything that promises at least 5 minutes of extra shut-eye is a holy topic.